Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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