Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
The uberlube is also flammable
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
