I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
