remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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