I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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