You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Randomize
