I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
