She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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