Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
