There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
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