I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
