dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
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