She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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