Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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