dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Randomize