do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
you never un-have a 4some
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Randomize