Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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