I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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