I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
