I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
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