dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Apparently you make a good broom.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
