PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
