I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I said "one day" and that day is not today
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
