sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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