I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
She's just so happy...and so naked.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize