She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
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