So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
