You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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