i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize