life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
