shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
