Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Randomize
