Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize