You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
