As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize