haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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