i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
