i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Randomize
