I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Everclear isn't food dammit
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
