Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
