I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
