we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
last night I used snow as a chaser
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
