Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
