I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
