You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
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