Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
