i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
