so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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