I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Randomize
