the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
