everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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