ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize