if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
