so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
My vagina just recognized that song.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
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