I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
