Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
