I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
