i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
