I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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