Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Randomize
