I don't think brook has ever known best
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
