Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
