You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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