my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize