Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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