Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize