I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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