Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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