Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
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