I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
