Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
