So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
