You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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