Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
