God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
