We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
