have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I DEMAND FORESKIN
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
