Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Randomize
