just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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