She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
