Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I understand Curling. That high.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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