when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
