Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
