And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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