I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
