Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
