Where is the hickey?
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Randomize
