You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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