Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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