he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
