Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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