The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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