I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
