I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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