I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
