Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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