My hand turned me down
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
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