I got chris browned last night
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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