How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
