Your mouth is God's brothel.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
