I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
You made out with two different species that night
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
