first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
