I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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