I will die if light touches me.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
