I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
