do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
