shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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