i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
