Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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