so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
